Don't Tell Me To 'Be Positive'

That phase everyone goes through when you're confused, lost, directionless, can’t be avoided. I mean you do not land there by choice and you do not even know when you even came there. I know it is our choice whether to stay there or move out. All work on it, the pace differs. 

We are designed in a way that hasn’t been efficient. Right out of graduating, you are finding a workplace, a place where you’ll meet colleagues first, friends later, a place where you’ll be spending time in cubicles instead of classrooms, a place where you’ll be expected to work hard and something that will drive your career graph. It is a vital decision to be made not lured by opening of a bank account which will accumulate some numbers.

It is not about just a job, it could be family, relationships, money matters, or the global warming! (Well, no one cares as much about global warming.)

It is time when we start keeping expectations of our own self without even knowing our strengths and weaknesses. But soon, we crash, our expectations come crumbling down. Enter anxiety, insecurity and frustration. While these 3 emotions predominantly have a kitty party in your mind, you just want to reach out for a bottle of beer (or any preferred drink) and gulp them all down. Doesn't help for long either. Besides there are people who keep on telling ‘Be Positive’, ‘Sab Theek Ho Jayega’, ‘Shit Happens’. Well, I know it does, but please stop telling me that!

I know being positive helps, it is even backed by science, but Hey! That doesn’t reduce what I feel. It is not even wrong to feel anxious. It is stressful. I cannot always listen to an upbeat song, jig for a while and find no reason to celebrate. Don’t reduce my genuine frustration, it a reaction I am giving which is not in par with your ‘be positive yaar!’

Although you try to devoid yourself of negative thoughts, over-thinking and reducing your self-worth, it will creep in. Let it. Embrace it, if you may, for you’ll realise your own worth.

I do not want people to tell me to be positive when behind my mind, I am just cursing them less but myself more. Because these positive attitude quotes, don’t really do me good. I could be all wrong for interpreting things the way I do, but maybe I’ll realise it later, when things actually start looking bright.  Let me cry on my pillow, let me wipe my own tears. No one likes to sleep on a wet pillow for long. Do not label me negative person, but I am not a part of pseudo-brimming with positivity clan either. If you think I am full of negative shit, then it’s a negative right there. I am not.

This phase sucks outta the 'be good, think good and good will happen to you attitude' out of me and you telling me to stay right there, doesn’t help. I swear. I also swear I got the confidence to stand back up, I know I will excel, maybe I am not working hard enough, maybe that’s just it. I have confidence in my abilities but your ‘it’s okay’ is what I am not okay with.

Just let me give my own reactions. This rant is just an outcome of one.